I spent one week in a small German city, called Kiel, about 45 minutes north of Hamburg, almost in Denmark.
This is what it looks like.
My big sister lives there, with her husband and her daughter. My sister is also a doctor (well, if truth be told, I'm not a doctor yet, so excuse me for the "also"), and she invited me to stay with her for a week. I arrived on a Friday, and left on Saturday of the week after. During the weekend we visited Hamburg, it was like -12ºC, so this huge lake was totally frozen, people could walk on it! (I did!).
Then, during the week, I went to the hospital with her, and watched her perform surgeries all morning, and sometimes scrub in for some of them! She is still a resident, so there are people "above her", but they were really nice, explaining everything in English (my German is so bad...). It really was something! Although not quite as I had thought:
A lot of things happened that really moved me. The first one was this patient, she was 32 years old, and had a really aggressive form of uterus cancer. There was nothing the doctors could do for her, but to give her kind words of encouragement, and harsh words of truth. The truth, in this case, is that she had about 4 months to live. She was married and had a 4 year old daughter. She went home, and wrote six hundred pages of advice, and of nourishment and care, and of support and life lessons, and then some more, to her very loved daughter. She tried to write everything that she wouldn't be able to say during all the years that were to come. This gave her some peace. Even though there was nothing to be done about her longevity, there was a lot to be done for her life quality, and it was this that allowed her to write all those six hundred pages of love.
But as some lives end, others begin. On my fourth day at the hospital I got to scrub in for a caesarian section. It was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. I hope blood doesn't gross you out:
At this point you can't really see me, I was standing behind the lady doctor holding a retractor! (I'm sorry for the crappy quality, a nurse took this with my phone.)
I even cried a little (I know, how lame...), but just thinking that this was the beginning of a life, that something very beautiful and powerful had just taken place, and I had helped. And she (IT'S A GIRL!!!) was so cute, just a little perfect lovable creature.
So these two happenings, combined with me watching Prayers for Bobby (click the link to watch online... illegally lol) just got me thinking, and I realized something: this is it.
There is no other chance to be happy, there is no other chance to be yourself, to do what you were supposed to have done, to enjoy life, to live! If you waste an afternoon on bad humor and snide remarks, that afternoon will not be returned to you so you can use it better, you have already wasted it. If you (or I) waste time being miserable and not making the effort to improve ourselves, or being lazy and not trying hard enough, that time will not be returned to us to make better use of it. This is it, It's all or nothing! There is no second chance, there is only here and now, there is no second life to be lived differently. I had never really realized the truth and power behind one of the biggest clichés of all: "one life, live it well." Now I get it (or do I?).
So ever since I came back, I have this question left unanswered popping into my mind every single day on various occasions:
"Wasn't there someone I should have been today?"
So, was there?
D.
